Nasty Woman? Nooooo!
Let’s get something straight right away. I’m a feminist who didn’t vote for Trump. That’s probably no surprise if you know me well enough. But there is something a little more disturbing to me and I want to address it. It’s probably too late, but you won’t see me adopting a label that I think degrades all women. It was said in a degrading, intimidating way. It’s a label I don’t want to be associated with–even though some weaker than me may attribute it to me. But that is their problem, not mine.
What is that label? Nasty woman.
Here’s why I don’t want to have anything to do with it. First of all, it is associated with a person who dehumanizes woman. I don’t want to dehumanize woman. I want to build them up. I’ll be the first to say it, ladies–we tear each other apart enough without the help of men. You know we do. WE are harder on each other than any man can be. We see a successful woman and there is a legion of judges negatively assessing her and usually without merit or cause. We need to remove the emotions and stick to the facts. I don’t have to personally like a woman to praise her accomplishments.
Secondly, nasty woman is negative. Do we really need any more negative descriptors? Doesn’t Feminist do that enough? Nasty woman doesn’t describe the powerful women I know personally. There is nothing nasty about them. Nasty operates and gains power from fear side. And yes, I know some women who operate on that side and they truly are nasty women. I don’t associate with them. I choose the associate with powerful women who come from and truly operate from love.
You may not understand the fear and love side I am talking about, so let me explain a bit about that. Gary Zukav wrote a book called Seat of the Soul. It is a wonderful book that shares a message that literally describes how you find the seat of your soul-how to find the foundation that feeds your soul. If you angry and fearful or want more insight, I suggest that you read this book during these highly charged times. It may require some heavy thinking and you may find it a bit confusing as you start into it, but soul work isn’t suppose to be easy. Hating is easy. Being fearful is easy. Having courage and staying positive is hard work! But I digress.
Fear side behaviors are things like selfishness, using others, lying, manipulation, violence, brutality, domination, impatience, withdrawal, judging, ridicule, name calling, sexual harassment, and just plain being nasty. Some of the emotions that come from this fear side are anger, rage, vengefulness, loneliness, spite, despair, grief, regret, greed/lust, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, inferiority, the inability to see truth and lethargy. All these things can lead to negative karma. Most of these emotions occur unconsciously or stems from an irresponsible choice. It is also a very human response. It may be your first reaction. They are done without analyzing and are typically a knee jerk reaction. These reactions, emotions, and behaviors lead a person to unauthentic power.
An authentically empowered person is incapable of making anything or anyone a victim. An authentically empowered person is one who is so strong, so empowered, that the idea of using force against another is not part of his or her consciousness.–from the Seat of the Soul
You have a responsible choice. You have choices. You can stay in the rhetoric and label yourself something that I think preys upon those fears. And yes, I understand it is a rallying call. I understand that we don’t think we are a nasty woman. I understand that some may even think this is a compliment. But those who are living on the fear side of emotion (whether male or female) are doing nothing but keeping themselves in that negative spiral of fear. They live in fear of themselves and others. So why in the world would I want to label myself something that draws on negativity? I don’t want them judging me without knowing me. I don’t want their prejudice. I want them to discern how they feel about me and my work. Frankly, nasty woman is a turn off. It puts up barriers. No thanks.
Now, you may argue that Feminist does the same thing. I disagree. Feminist tells people I’m a strong woman with ideas who has been working her entire life to make life better for all people. I don’t use this label or descriptor as a weapon or wear it like shield. I’m not a martyr. I use this word to honor the women who fought for the rights I have today. I use this word to define my space on this planet. Feminism is complicated, and far more positive in my mind than any descriptor that resides in fearful behaviors or emotions.
I have enough to fight for without invoking fear or introducing myself in a negative way to those who prejudge me based on their own negative karma. Ladies, we have enough hate against us and we don’t need to use a negative label. We attract more bees with honey than vinegar.
So, in light of all that transpired over the last week, allow me to describe the successful woman I know with words that I think are much more powerful and positive.
Dauntless women, audacious women, adventurous women, gutsy women, courageous women, gallant women, fearless women, resolute women, energetic women, tenacious women, tough women, capable women, strong women just to name a few.
These are my cohorts in sisterhood. These women don’t tear other successful women down. These woman hold their power and don’t give it away to fearful, aggressive people who call strong, powerful women nasty. These women use all their power to equal the playing field for all of us. These women don’t tear other people down when they aren’t looking. Pick your favorite descriptor from the list and use it. Own it and the positive energy that it brings. After all, if we are going to label ourselves, let’s label ourselves with something that attracts positive energy. There’s already enough negative energy to last ages.